moody, opinionated, & sometimes offensive

Snow in the Midwest

And bitchy-ass people.

snow 1

Okay, we get it. The north clearly gets more snow than the south. And I wish people would fucking realize that, and stop saying this:

snow 2

Let me explain.

The north is used to a lot of snow. Those drivers grew up with a shit ton of snow. They grew up driving in it.

My Alaskan friend drives totally different than me on a messy, snowy road. I spent a month up there one winter. The majority of Alaskan drivers drove differently than Midwest/southern drivers. Because they deal with it every year.

I am so sick of hearing about how southerners freak out about snow, blah blah. We didn’t grow up with the same cold, same amount of snow.

Crazy thing is…northerners turn around and complain about the heat and humidity. My Alaskan friend thinks where I’m at is just unbearable.

Well, I think their snow/cold is unbearable. Which is why she and I will probably never live in the same state.

People need to understand states experience different extremes of weather. And that’s okay.

Omg. I need to stay off Facebook. I get so irritated.

In Case You Haven’t Heard

This is the truth.

540816_485693944824470_1599965898_n

At work tonight, my lazy co-worker just pissed me the fuck off. And I vented to another co-worker. I told her to watch out because when I see the lazy bitch again I’m going off on her (I forewarned the nurse, and she laughed and told me to go for it). I actually used less language and kept my tone conversational because we were assisting a resident into bed.

My co-worker says, “Oh man, I thought I was bad! You know, with a no filter mouth, until I met you. You are terrible.”

My resident chimes in, “Yeah I love her. You can say anything to her!” He misunderstood me earlier and thought I said I bought a vibrator to shove up my ass, and just thought it was hysterical, and teased me all night.

So yeah. Apparently, I’m the most honest person she’s ever met… Either that, or I’m just a mouthy bitch.

But no. You’re there to take of people. Do your fucking job. And if I want to yell at you, and the nurse approves it, oh well.

For the record, my nurses are always telling me to take charge, and be more bossy. I think it’s because it gets them uninvolved and because they know I do my job, so it’s okay if I “encourage” people to work harder in a bossy way.

Inspiration

From Google.

Think of any word. Search it on Google images. Write something inspired by the 11th image.

funny

Okay, honestly, I don’t feel very inspired by this. But an ostrich riding a motorcycle made me smile, and I thought ya know, I should spread the smile.

Black Friday isn’t Friday anymore.

Just a heads up, this is a rant. I think I’m due for one. If not, forgive me.

stupidity

Okay, this kinda has me going both ways. Yes, the above work holidays (although from my understanding, they try to rotate. Give a nurse Thanksgiving off, she will work Christmas.) and nobody really thinks about them. And yeah, we should think about them, and maybe appreciate them a little more.

I actually worked Memorial Day, 4th of July, and Veteran’s Day. But I am having Thanksgiving off. Actually, I am quite excited. The last two years I was in retail, and required to work. I know by heading into the medical field, I damn well know I won’t get holidays off. I know damn well I’ll be required to work.

But retail? I didn’t sign up to work holidays.

Fast food fucking closes on Thanksgiving. Because Thanksgiving is about being with family and eating too much food and being thankful.

I’m not talking about having to work Black Friday- hell, I’ll be working it. And I don’t give a shit.

But scheduling BLACK FRIDAY sales on THANKSGIVING is fucking bullshit. And even despite the fact I am no longer in retail, it still irritates me. Because Black Friday means Friday. Not Thursday.

Last year, my store started so-called Black Friday sales at 6pm…on Thanksgiving/Thursday.

I worked 1pm-10pm. I literally had no Thanksgiving. My family lives 30 minutes away, and even if I had driven out there, I wouldn’t have had any real time with them. So I ate Thanksgiving dinner by myself in a break room. A catered meal. That wasn’t my mom’s.

My boyfriend didn’t even text me the entire day.

Thanksgiving is a day of thankfulness. Black Friday is about selfish people, who push and shove to buy an item that they don’t truly need.

Thanksgiving is a day of family. Black Friday separates family for the sake of sales.

Keep Black Friday sales on Friday. Give your workers’ a break and give them a damn holiday. They already work every single other holiday. And hell, when will these greedy retail stores be open on Christmas?

And it’s not just the stores fault. It’s the fucking Black Friday shoppers who go out on Thanksgiving afternoon to stand in line for an off-brand TV $100 dollars off.

I seriously had people tell me how much it must suck for me to be at work last year. I just nodded. OMG I wanted to tell them it’s their fault, too. Not just the store. You are out there shopping. You’re not just taking time away from your own family, you’re keeping these stores open, and taking these employees from their families, too.

Healthcare workers, military personnel, and police officers have to work holidays because that shit don’t stop. And they know it. Retail could have the decency of giving their hard-working, ass-busting employees two holidays off.

Let’s put Black Friday back on fucking Friday.

Oh Younger Self

Listen to what I have to say.

Present-day you meets 10-years-ago you for coffee. Share with your younger self the most challenging thing, the most rewarding thing, and the most fun thing they have to look forward to. Daily prompt.

As I look at the thirteen-year-old before me, I hold the cup closer. Starbucks isn’t too crowded right now, just a few loners on laptops, a few youngsters ordering their fancy coffee.

Both me now and my younger self are sipping on a hot chocolate.

Younger Self (YS) looks at me behind the glasses. “I guess I’ll never like coffee?”

I shake my head. “No. That shit is always gross.”

YS looks surprised at the curse word. Says nothing.

“There’s a lot going to change,” I tell her, “I’m still figuring some things out. I can’t tell you how to have it all together when some days I feel like it’s all scattered a million miles away, too.”

“That sounds fantastic,” the sarcasm drips.

And then I begin to tell her about having a broken heart and cutting her arms. How even in the darkest days, she somehow will find a way to live, but if there’s any way I could truly relive it all, don’t repeat the same mistakes.

She stares, unblinking. “Tell me the rewarding part…the challenging part, no. That can’t be real.”

“Oh but it is. You will fall in love and be completely crushed.” I show her the scars I still bear. She shakes her head.

“I can’t believe I’ll ever do that.”

“Oh but you will.” I stare at her sadly. “The rewarding part- well, I think learning to live again. Your perspective will change, and you’ll actually understand that depression is real. That it isn’t something you can just tell someone to get over. You’ll find a new layer of compassion you didn’t know you had in you.”

I take a gulp of my now lukewarm hot chocolate. “The most fun, oh darling. So much I could tell you, but the thing still brings me the most fun is my Camaro. So when you find that blue beast, and you question whether or not to buy her, just do it. She’ll have problems, but she will be yours. And she’s always there for you. And the joy she will bring you- it will be like nothing else. Taking the tops off on hot summer days and just driving, driving all over with the sun and wind in your hair. That’s the most fun.”

She smiled. “I think that sounds like the best thing you’ve told me.”

I met her smile. “You’ll be okay, you really will. It’s okay to cry. It’s okay to be weak, imperfect. Everything will work out, I promise. Don’t forget that.”

 

And here’s a few others blogger’s on this daily prompt:

http://designersophisticate.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/your-life-is-going-to-suck/

http://notalentforcertainty.com/2014/11/15/hello-there-guy/

http://lindaswritingblog.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/coffee-date-with-a-10-year-old/

http://thecrookedmind.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/hey-kid/

http://activearmywife.wordpress.com/2014/11/15/surviving-true-love/

And here’s why.

  1. Labor and delivery. Omg. Too much pain. I know all moms say the pain is worth it when they see that baby in their arms, but I’ve been in the room when my sister had her first. It was…gross. She puked green puke (from having an empty stomach), and she was in horrible amounts of pain. I know, epidural, but I personally do not want one. But nor do I want the pain of delivery. Demerol is what I want. I think. My sister had some towards the very end, but got it too late it didn’t help much. If I get it sooner, it should take off the worst of it. Right?
  2. SIDS. It terrifies me. When my younger sister had her baby back in June, it terrified me. The idea of losing another baby in my family, terrifies me. My brother died from a chromosomal defect at a week old, and since then, babies dying scare me. I know it is real, and I know we’re not above infant deaths in my family. For the moms (dads, siblings, etc) who lose a baby to SIDS, I cry. I’m not kidding. Every time I read a story like that, I cry. Because losing a baby is brain-blowing, crushing… Right now, it makes a lump form in my throat. Babies aren’t suppose to die.
  3. Everyone says you’ll have a child worse than you. Well I was a “devil” child. The idea of trying to keep control of a stubborn, strong-willed toddler without breaking his spirit is seemingly impossible. I’m not sure how my mom handled me- and multiple other kids at the same time. But here I am, not broken, and still very much my own person. I don’t want a bratty child, but how in the world do you get a well-behaved one? My older sister has three kids and they are little angels (with their moments). The 5-year-old actually grabs a broom and starts sweeping the kitchen, telling her mom she wants to help. Those kids are frickin’ adorable. Sure they fight, and sometimes see how far they can push things, but they listen. They are obedient, sweet, helpful, and smart. Oh, so smart. I love them.
  4. Baby stuff is hella expensive! The clothes are adorable, but have you seen the price tag?? omg. I can kind of understand adult clothes being costly, but babies outgrow their clothes so fast. You spend twenty bucks on an outfit and two months later (I don’t know the timeframe…) the outfit no longer fits! Waste of money. Everything is so expensive. I don’t want government help, I really don’t. But I’d accept it before I let my baby lack anything.
  5. A baby. Okay, I know that’s silly, but newborns are scary. They have that soft spot on their head, they can’t hold their heads up. And then there’s their itty-bitty limbs. I barely held my newborn niece back in June. And I only did, while sitting in the hospital bed with my sister, because I couldn’t tell people I was afraid of a six-pound baby. I can pick up old people, change their briefs/depends, bathe them, dress them- no problem. But a baby? They are soo little, it’s scary.

So far my pregnancy doesn’t seem real. I think it’ll hit me a little more when I heart the heartbeat. I hope. I’m always tired, and even walking down the hallway at work leaves me ready to close my eyes. I hope this exhaustion doesn’t last the entire pregnancy because my job is demanding, and nine months of demanding work with a tired body…ugh.

I’m also always hungry.

I’m, like, four weeks along. Should I even be feeling this away right now??

I know pregnancy symptoms vary from person to person (my sister had horrible, horrible back pain probably six out of the nine months and not everyone will experience that). But I still feel like it’s a bit much right now.

Regardless, I’m trying to be excited and knock the paranoid thoughts from my head. I’m telling myself my baby is okay, s/he is alive and growing. I’m telling myself that I’m young and healthy, my baby will be fine. But I can’t completely banish the scary thoughts. Maybe I’ll relax when I hear the heartbeat.

I Told Him

My suspicions.

I couldn’t not tell my boyfriend that I had two positive pregnancy tests, and was late in starting my period. Plus, I was going to the crisis pregnancy center down from me, and he’d find out anyway.

So after work last night, I started talking to him. I joked about my co-worker being pregnant (I actually think she might be…and she’s wondering herself), and he asked if she’s going to buy a test. I told him I didn’t know, but that I had.

He kind of paused and goes, “You did?”

“Yes.”

He says “oh.” Then looks at me and says, “I thought you just had your period.”

I look away. “No. I thought I had started but…I didn’t.”

He looks at me again. “Oh.” Then, what he calls jokingly, but what I consider a total asshole thing to do, “is it some guy’s?”

I glared at him. “Did you seriously just ask me that?”

“I was joking!”

I called him an asshole.

I asked if he was mad.

He said no.

He asked where does that leave us? Do I still want him to move out?

I told him I don’t want him to stay with me because of a baby. I would never deny him his child (unless he was abusive, mistreated the child, etc, you know all the bad things), but I also don’t want to be with someone for a child. I mean, I know it’s best a child is raised with both parents. But if we stay together for this reason alone, it could lead to resentment. And while I never want to get divorced, I also don’t want to jump into a marriage that could just lead to total destruction.

I also told him that I don’t want him staying if he wants to move out. If he does stay, we need a bigger place. Because I need more space.

Anyway.

Overall, he said he wished it would have been a year from now, but if I am pregnant, he is excited.

And I have an appointment with the crisis pregnancy center tomorrow before work.

Tag Cloud

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 162 other followers