About 10 years back.
As part of the Weekly Writing Challenge, I bring you this blog.
I was the stubborn, naïve-innocent twelve year old who knew it all. I knew the answer to every.single.damn.thing. I knew what I would be when I grew up- my entire life was planned. I never had any doubts.
I was mouthy, strong-willed, and always in trouble. Don’t be fooled, I could be sweet. I think. Ask my mom.
I was never going to have sex- at least until I had ring on my finger. I would not even dare of touching alcohol. I didn’t give a rat’s ass what people thought of me.
Basically, 12-year old me would hate who I am today.
She looks at me, and sees a young woman who lost her way, and is desperately searching to find it again. She sees a young woman who is constantly doubting herself, her beliefs; lost sight of her goals, and doesn’t know what she wants from life anymore.
And maybe that’s normal. But not for the 12 year old. Because life is simple. Life is black and white, gray doesn’t exist.
She sees a young woman creating problems where there are none. She sees her as someone who got lazy in life, thinking she has all the time in the world- when you don’t. Silly woman, life goes on even if you don’t do anything productive!
Maybe a part of the 12 year old is envious. Envious the 22 year old woman has such freedom; has a boyfriend who loves her. But she knows when she grows up, she won’t fuck before she’s married; she won’t shack up.
12 year old stands in front of the mirror, studying her body. Skinny, bony- boobs barely filling a A-cup. No ass to speak of. Hair- long and curly. Just a plain brown, nothing pretty. Average. Ugly. A part of her never cared about looks because caring meant admitting she was nothing to look at.
But she turns her attention the young woman. Well, she’s not so bad. Her teeth are straight, her smile is white. The blonde hi-lights looks so pretty- but damn it, you shouldn’t change your natural color! Her body might not be the curvaceous type, but she’s lost the bony look- filled out.
Again, the envy.
At 12 years old, she perceives this 22 year old as a materialistic, self-centered, lost, and maybe a little bit slutty bitch.
But at 12 years old, judgment ran rampant. But then again, maybe the description is a little bit on. Who knows.