Not Feeling it

I love my dad.

I do, he is the most amazing man. He bends over backwards to help people, and he’s always there for me. And today is his birthday, so of course we’re celebrating it. I just got off work, and came straight to my room. I haven’t even taken my coat off (probably because my room has, like, no heat so it’s cold).

But I just don’t feel like celebrating right now. I’m sad, sorta depressed. I saw him on my lunch break. I went over and we talked a little. I told him after today, I will let him contact me. That I still want to talk to him, but I am the one who ended us, so I can’t be initiating all contact.

I don’t think he really believes me when I say I still want to see him sometimes, but I do. ‘Cause I do love him. And I miss him already. But I know breaking up is for the “best” right now. And maybe one day we’ll end up together, but right now I can’t do it. And that frustrates me because I don’t know why!

I told him I still want to talk to him, but I understand if he needs space right now.

I just really want to cry, but for now…I’ll go join my family.

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