Marriage and Pregnancy

It’s happening to everyone!

When I was younger, all I wanted was to find the perfect man for me (notice I said “for me”…I know there is no perfect man), love and be loved, and get married, and have babies.

I believed firmly in the idea of true love and marriage lasting til death do you part. It existed.

Then I saw some, what I thought, were strong marriages crumple right before my eyes. It literally popped my bubble. I was a wreck. My mind went in circles. Is it possible to be married to the person who you truly love, and that person truly love you back? Or will one of them be fully loved, while the other fully loves someone else?

Love and lasting marriages do exist. Or did. I don’t know if they still do. I know if I get married, and I plan to one of these days, I want it to last forever. My concern is: will he? Or will he leave me? I’m always left, what if he leaves me?

Does anyone even know what real love is nowadays? I know girls who love one guy for six months, then a few weeks later is in love with someone else. They claim to love the guy anyway. Love doesn’t give up. Love doesn’t die. Love conquers all. Love survives.

Sometimes love walks away because there is abuse, or cheating. But the heart never stops loving.

These girls may be “in love”, but they did not truly love that person.

I’m afraid of loving, because I’m afraid of getting hurt.

Every time I see a new pregnancy announcement, or a wedding announcement, I feel a little sad. Maybe even a little envious. It’s what I’ve always wanted- it’s my dream. And girls I know who never wanted to get married or have a baby, are married and pregnant. It’s what I wanted. She didn’t.

I’ve pretty much accepted it’s not my time, and it’s better to wait for the guy who you know is right, then jump into something that causes heartache and grief. Some days it still annoys me, but then at the same time, I love being alone. I love having my own place, and only seeing someone when I feel like it.

I love being able to do what I want, when I want. I guess I sound a little selfish.

I still want a baby more than anything most days. But then I think about the huge responsibility one brings, and I say it’s better to wait. But if I did end up pregnant, I really won’t mind either.

I really do believe that marriages can last, if people realize it’s not some fairytale. I really believe love survives, if a couple is committed to making it work even when things are all wrong.

And I really believe even if a couple splits, if they loved each other, the love never dies. Because love doesn’t die even if it’s apart.

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2 Comments

  1. I can relate. I always knew I wanted to have children. When my ex and I first got married, we were only 20. We had a lot of plans to get our life set up, so kids was always a way-in-the-future kind of thing. We wanted to be smart about it and get our careers going first and make sure we were financially stable. Then years later, careers are going great, money is coming in, and he decides that he’s changed his mind, that he doesn’t want kids at all. I was having dreams of being pregnant, and I thought about it all the time. I knew it wasn’t right though to have one with him, and now that we’re divorced I’m so thankful that we didn’t have kids. My biological clock is ticking especially loud now, and though my partner wants kids too, I’m scared to have one! I have a lot of self-doubt going on. Go figure. I think it happens to most women. We have that biological need to nurture and take care of others.

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