Break-Ups and Broken Hearts

I’ve discovered it is possible to have a break-up without broken hearts. Okay, actually I’m sure that’s not a new discovery, but whatever.

February 2014- I tried to break up with Clay. Although I felt guilty for hurting him, and responsible for him (because I blamed any drinking he’d do on my hurting him…which is bullshit, he was already drinking, and me breaking up with him didn’t suddenly make me responsible), I would check up on him. I told him it was okay to call me.

That’s a major no-no, I’ve since learned. If I’m breaking up with somebody, for their sake, cut it off. Don’t let it linger. For my sake, cut it off. Because I already dislike starting new relationships, and if I’m still involved with the last guy- well, you can bet I’ll stay with the familiar over finding the new.

We haven’t been “officially” together since then, although clearly, we were together. I got my apartment in March, in June he moved in. In August, I told him I wanted him out, I wanted to be done. He begged and pleaded to let him stay because he had court stuff to do, and everything was right around my apartment.

To be nice, I let him stay…sacrificing my own happiness. I don’t know if he ever knew just how miserable I was.

Then came November and the announcement of my pregnancy. And you know what? He decided moving out would be best, “breaking up” was inevitable. Not that he did move out, as when my lease was up, he ended up renting the same apartment.

Later, I commented on that, his sudden willingness to let me go, finally. When I’d been “trying” to leave for months. His answer? “You finally convinced me we wouldn’t work.”

Excuse me? From the get-go, he was always telling me we wouldn’t work out in the future, that we should just have fun now. I did tell him that as long as he drank, we wouldn’t work, because I wasn’t going to stay with an alcoholic.

Just funny how I end up pregnant, and then boom- he’s done wanting us to work, done trying to make it work. Not that he ever tried very hard. He has never spent a holiday with me, or my birthday. Rarely would do anything besides lay in bed with me.

Yet I find it interesting how he wants to play a major role in our baby’s life. Why would you so readily let me leave if you want to play a big role? Because…that makes no sense to me.

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4 Comments

  1. You probably already know this, but I’ll say it anyway. He wants all the benefits of being a father, with none of the responsibility. It’s always best to cut clean. If you could move away without him knowing where you went, and with no chance of running into him or anyone you both know, that’s the best case. Take all your social media private, with no indication of location. Cut all the way clean. But I’m sure you already knew that. It’s one thing to know, and much much harder to do. Be well, and stay safe.

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    • My family is here, leaving really isn’t an option. He’s not a bad guy, just has some issues. But yeah, that’s probably true, wants the benefits of being a father without responsibility. Which is easy for me to believe because one day I mentioned how raising a little person is scary, like you’re shaping this tiny person and nobody wants to screw up a child. And he just said it’s not scary, it’s fun. When you’re not a full time parent, maybe it is only fun (his ex and him divorced when his other child was under a year old). But to me, parenting is both exciting and scary. Not where I’ll cower away, but scary for my reason mentioned above.

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  2. From your post it sounds as though as he was never there for you apart from laying in bed with you. That makes me believe the same will apply to your child… It’s unfortunate but you come across as a rather strong woman who will go through this and raise your baby well. Look after yourself and cut him off for your own sanity and your baby’s welfare too, and perhaps allow him to see your baby – if YOU find appropriate as only you know how good or bad he would be for the child. Either way, look after yourself and your cute growing bump 🙂

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    • Unfortunately looking back, I really don’t believe he was ever there for me. I mean, sure he would rub my back or something but I need more support than a back massage.
      He is a good dad, but with a lot more thinking I’m beginning to wonder if he feels like he’s a failure (he has voiced similar thoughts) and he’d rather be single than raise our baby together as a couple that way he’s not financially responsible. I don’t know though.
      I do know he is going to be involved as he wants. I will not do all the driving to insure he sees her. He can drive, and make the effort. In our relationship, I always drove to see him, typically drove when we went out. I’m real tired of that…he needs to put in some effort as well. Up to him how involved he will be.

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