I’ve discovered it is possible to have a break-up without broken hearts. Okay, actually I’m sure that’s not a new discovery, but whatever.
February 2014- I tried to break up with Clay. Although I felt guilty for hurting him, and responsible for him (because I blamed any drinking he’d do on my hurting him…which is bullshit, he was already drinking, and me breaking up with him didn’t suddenly make me responsible), I would check up on him. I told him it was okay to call me.
That’s a major no-no, I’ve since learned. If I’m breaking up with somebody, for their sake, cut it off. Don’t let it linger. For my sake, cut it off. Because I already dislike starting new relationships, and if I’m still involved with the last guy- well, you can bet I’ll stay with the familiar over finding the new.
We haven’t been “officially” together since then, although clearly, we were together. I got my apartment in March, in June he moved in. In August, I told him I wanted him out, I wanted to be done. He begged and pleaded to let him stay because he had court stuff to do, and everything was right around my apartment.
To be nice, I let him stay…sacrificing my own happiness. I don’t know if he ever knew just how miserable I was.
Then came November and the announcement of my pregnancy. And you know what? He decided moving out would be best, “breaking up” was inevitable. Not that he did move out, as when my lease was up, he ended up renting the same apartment.
Later, I commented on that, his sudden willingness to let me go, finally. When I’d been “trying” to leave for months. His answer? “You finally convinced me we wouldn’t work.”
Excuse me? From the get-go, he was always telling me we wouldn’t work out in the future, that we should just have fun now. I did tell him that as long as he drank, we wouldn’t work, because I wasn’t going to stay with an alcoholic.
Just funny how I end up pregnant, and then boom- he’s done wanting us to work, done trying to make it work. Not that he ever tried very hard. He has never spent a holiday with me, or my birthday. Rarely would do anything besides lay in bed with me.
Yet I find it interesting how he wants to play a major role in our baby’s life. Why would you so readily let me leave if you want to play a big role? Because…that makes no sense to me.