My Baby Girl

I finally had her, my adorable 7lb, 12oz baby girl. She has a head full of dark hair- just as I wanted! She’s a beautiful baby (that’s not just me speaking, a lot of people have said it, including my brother-in-law who told my sister he doesn’t normally find babies to be cute, but that she is a pretty baby).

I was induced on my due date, the 20th, due to my fluid being really low. I had hoped to go all natural, spontaneous labor and no pain meds. But with being induced, I opted for the epidural. I mean, why not, right?

My mom and the ex were there for her birth, although my mom left shortly after. He stayed all night, leaving in the morning, coming back in the late afternoon. Which actually irritated me because he was leaving for a “short nap” but was gone over 7 hours. Yes, our baby girl had stayed awake all night screaming (which, btw, when they tell you “let’s push this baby out so you can sleep” don’t believe them. I didn’t sleep until four hours after she was born, and then only for an hour.) but still…He needed the nap?? What about momma?

He really wasn’t annoying in delivery, but that could have been because I had the epidural. Oh, and another reason I took it- as the pain got worse, so did my attitude. I was becoming super bitchy, and my mom was kind enough to be there for me, and I didn’t want to be a bitch.

After birth, he did say something super stupid: “My back hurts from standing there” (I pushed for an hour and he and my mom both stood on either side of the bed at my head). Excuse me?? Shut your mouth. Ok, sure, his back probably did hurt. But I just pushed out a baby! And even with the epidural, which was starting to wear off btw, it hurt. I know not nearly as bad as it would have, but still.

I was soo excited to get home. He brought us home, and hasn’t seen his daughter since. I send a picture daily, and he’s called a few times. He was off work the last couple of days and was suppose to come up, but ended up being sick due to detoxing and couldn’t make it. He said he really wanted to see her.

I held back my response: “No, if you had you would have gotten sober before your days off so you weren’t sick on them.” He always gets sick, and needs at least a full day to recover.

Eight days old. First plan to come see her, and he missed it. The only one hurt by it is me, because she’s too young to know. If he doesn’t get sober, and when she’s older, I will not tell her he’s coming to visit and have her be hurt and upset when he doesn’t show because he’s “detoxing” for the millionth time.

Ugh.

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