He tells me how beautiful and sexy I am, how amazing I am. That any guy would be lucky to have me. That I’m a good person.
But I’m not good enough for him. I’m good enough to have sex with. But I’m not good enough to date. I’m not worth having a “label” with. Because someone better might come along, and it’s an easier break if we’re not “really” together.
I wrote that in either July or August, 2013. But it doesn’t change the fact those words are still true to this day. I’ve heard the phrases “you’re too good for me”, “I don’t deserve you” and other lines similar several times. And those are such bullshit words. All it means is “I think you’re great…but not that great that I’m going to be a better person for you.”
That is damaging to a girl (and I suppose, for guys too, but for the sake of this post, I’m going to just focus the girl aspect of it). It tells her she’s this great person- smart, funny, beautiful- and how you’re this bad person undeserving of someone so wonderful. But then you keep using her!
You’re singing her praises, but won’t step up and be a person worthy of her. No, you just keep using her. And using her. And eventually the actions completely drown out those complimentary words, and hearing those words only bring hurt. You make her feel worthless, dirty, used.
Because instead of becoming the guy who deserves her, you just hold onto her, just close enough she sticks around in hopes you come around. Instead of letting some guy be lucky to have her, you tear down her self-esteem. Instead of making her feel like this wonderful person you say she is, you make her feel like shit.
It’s damaging to stay with someone like that, it’s such a foolish choice. When you stay with someone who is just using you for sex, yet declaring how perfect you are, it literally pulls you down. It makes you feel worthless. It tears you down, and you think that you’re the total opposite. Because, really, if you were all that awesome, wouldn’t this guy be making you his? Wouldn’t he do whatever it takes to be “deserving” of you?
He tells you over and over how lucky anyone would be to have you, yet turns around and simply uses you for sex. And you’re left thinking “anyone but him…?”
I don’t know why girls stay with a guy who is using them for sex. If he’s using you for sex, that’ll most likely never change. Oh, he can deny it over and over, tell you he really has feelings for you. And hey, maybe he does feel for you a little more strongly than the next girl. But in the end, things won’t change. He won’t change. Eventually, you’ll stop believing his words, even the words saying “I like you more than just having sex”, because his actions will prove to you what you really are.
Unfortunately, it comes at the cost of tearing you down, leaving you hurt, leaving you feeling like a dirty, used girl.
Or maybe that’s all just been my experience.