Death is a forever goodbye, and last Friday put an end to everything. The man I’ve loved and been up and down with since April 2013, the father of my daughter- was found dead in his apartment.
Tuesday the casket was closed, and we said another goodbye to his body. I wanted to hug him back to life. Or at least until an answer came. He was fine when I saw him Sunday, fine when we spoke Monday. How does one end up dead just like that?
I’m blaming myself. I should have done more; should have done something different. I shouldn’t have let his drinking bother me as much as it did.
I miss him so much.
Sure he drove me nuts, but I know it was mutual. Sure, I didn’t know what to do about us, but a part of me loved him. It wasn’t mad, passionate love. But I loved him.
It wasn’t suppose to end this way. He was suppose to get sober so we could be a family.
My heart is broken.
My daughter will never know her daddy. Oh, how he loved her so much. He never even got to hear her laugh.
He died alone. I should have been there.
I was trying to protect myself from being hurt again, and instead ended up not just hurt, but broken.