5 Year Journal| Day 3

Are you content?

I am going to have to go with no. I am trying to be content, but I’m honestly not.

I look at content on two levels. The first being content with things you cannot change, so just accept them, and ride them out. It’s easier to bear when you’re not fighting it every step of the way.

The second is where you are, what you’re doing, and where you’re going in life.

I’m not content on either level. I am far from content with the second- I am questioning why I have done basically nothing to get my life headed in the direction I want. Which is why school is an absolute must for 2016. I simply cannot just be and expect what I want to come to me.

And the first, well. That’s harder. Finding contentment on a level like that is hard, and I’ve always struggled with that. I was content, once that I can recall vividly. I was going for my CNA, living in my first apartment, albeit with my brother.

I want 2016 to be the year of positive change. 2015 held change alright. I had my first child. I lost my best friend, my lover, my baby’s father. I don’t want that kind of change again.

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