5 Year Journal| Day 4

What is your best memory of last year?

Oh goodness, let’s see. Well, giving birth was pretty great, but it was more of a relief to have the pregnancy over with. Being pregnant really wasn’t all that bad, but you just get so anxious to meet the little one in your womb. (At least for me, I know not all pregnancies are as smooth going as mine.)

But a favorite memory? Maybe it’s just because he died, I don’t know. But I’d gone over to my baby’s father place on his birthday, and as we laid down together, with our daughter, he looked at me and told me how much he loved me. He told me he tried not to, but he did; that he talked to me about me all the time. And can we please just try one more time?

I had said yes, because I loved him, too. Despite wanting to move on (and having said so repeatedly on this blog), and knowing his drinking was problem, I wanted us to work out.

And ya know, we were working things out. He even apologized and promised to do better about doing things with me. I had told him he can’t date someone almost 9 years younger than himself and expect not to re-do anything. That I hadn’t been to these haunted houses and I wanted to go, but he refused to go with me because he’d been before and they’re a waste of money. And just other things.

I was so excited. Maybe we would finally go on a little weekend trip when our daughter was a little bigger. Outside of promising to quit drinking, he was pretty good at keeping promises.

I’m sure there was probably something else I could have chosen for the best memory of 2015, but that one always melted me, even before he died.


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