The other day I went by Target, and I hadn’t been there very long when this guy starts trying to get my attention with a couple “hello’s”.
I immediately got self-conscious. He was saying how he sometimes feels “God leading him to say something” and I’m like oh man, this is awkward- I thought he was going to tell me I had blood on the back of my pants. Poor, brave guy!
But that wasn’t it.
He is awkward, and rambles on about how do girls show they’re interested in someone, and since I’m a woman, maybe I can help him out. I utter a little laugh, and before I can even begin to answer, he switches it up.
“I love to worship God, you know, and we worshipped together, and it was really great. I mean, it’s really hard to find a woman who worships God, and we worshipped together! But since then…” and he went on to say something about things aren’t the same, she seems a little distant or something. “So what should I do? Do I ignore her? or can I walk up to her when I see her in church?”
I said something along the lines of, “No, don’t ignore her if you’re interested. You could play it cool, be friendly, talk to her for now, and later bring up your interest. Or, you could cut out the games, and just tell her.”
He thanked me for my advice, and I’m like good luck.
How does a woman act when she’s interested? I don’t know, it depends on the woman.
How does a man act when he’s interested?
Clayton and I played so many games, it was frustrating. I liked him, but I wanted to play it “cool”, not come across as clingy. I loathed the idea of another friend with benefits relationship after being hurt so badly just a few months prior to the other FWB relationship. But I didn’t want to seem pushy or needy or anything negative, so instead of just saying I didn’t want to be a booty call, I pretended I was okay with it.
I wasn’t. I lied to him, I lied to myself.
We were constantly playing games, refusing to admit how much we cared about one another. Oh, sometimes we would tell each other. But so often, we didn’t.
Towards the end, I was just so afraid of being hurt, I was scared to confess to him just how much I loved him. I will always regret that.
Words of affection don’t mean anything without action. But with action, it is okay to use your words. So use them.
I hate game playing. Man, I hate it. Just thinking about it upsets me. Why can’t a man or woman just admit when they’re interested in someone? Take a chance, tell them. The most they can do is reject you, and guess what? It just means you won’t be getting emotionally involved.
I’m not advocating gushing mushy feelings after five minutes of knowing someone. But if you’ve been on a few dates and are truly interested and excited about this person, let it be known.
I seriously am dreading the idea of dating again. I dread the games. His “oh I can’t text her” or his lack of effort for fear of being “too serious.”
I’m not perfect. I have been known to not text because I don’t want to be clingy. But I seriously aim to be a lot more straightforward and honest when I do return to dating. Not interested? I want to let him know instead of just trying to ignore him, or decline “hanging out” so many times he gets the hint.
Since when is showing interest in someone a bad thing? Do you or don’t you want a relationship? If you do, put yourself out there. Sure it’s scary, but so is life.
If you don’t, and all you want is sex, tell them.
All this leading someone on, hiding behind games annoys me. Why are we so afraid of real dates? “Just hanging out.” Why can’t we go on a date?
Not interested? Say so. Interested? Don’t let your fear stop you from showing it.
As I was driving home, a thought hit me. What if he was doing one of those joke videos you see on YouTube? Asking a bunch of people a question. I didn’t even look around to see if anyone was filming! But I concluded it was legit… Either that, or he was incredibly good at acting super nervous and awkward.