5 Year Journal| Day 42

I wish I had__

More time my daughter’s daddy. In two days it’ll be three months since he died, and I miss him so much. I’m forgiving myself (even if people tell me I hold no blame in his death, it doesn’t change the fact I feel like I do), and the pain isn’t a raw, aching mess 24/7 anymore. Not saying I still don’t miss him 24/7, because I do. And some days are just full of pain. Other days, the pain is less intense, and I might have a sting of sharp pain thrown in.

Time helps dull the pain, but no matter how much time goes by, sometimes that raw pain  will hit you. It just gets less and less frequent, but never truly leaves you. You just learn to live with pain in your heart.

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