Orientation was today

I had orientation for school today. I had been so anxious and excited for this day. I was eagerly looking forward to it. And then it came, and with it, a bunch of doubt and questions.

Am I doing the right thing?

Can I actually do this- be a mom, have a job, and go to school?

Of course you can! Other single moms do it all the time!

Am I making a mistake choosing a career school vs a community college?

Is this a mistake?

What if I hate being a dental assistant and this is pointless?

I really couldn’t shut it off.

I kept thinking how much I miss Clayton, and I wish he were here for me right now. I want someone I can be insecure to, without judgment and have them tell me I can do this, that it will be okay.

And I’m not saying my friends/family won’t tell me that. I’m sure they will. But coming from him, it just meant something different than from them. I won’t say everyone, but a lot of us have that one (or two) person(s) that we just need to hear things from to make us feel okay. And for me, he was it. I didn’t even realize it until he was gone.

But he’s not here. And I’m suppose to be strong. That’s what everyone sees. So, I will do this with a brave face, and keep my insecurities and doubts to myself (and whoever is reading this).

Tomorrow is my first day of class. On a Friday, weird, I know. But I’m okay with that. I’m ready to start.

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6 Comments

  1. I totally believe in you and your ability to do this! You have a strong sense of commitment. You aren’t the type of person to settle, you make things happen. Go chasing this with all your heart. We are all here believing in you. Don’t doubt yourself, shine your light into those thoughts and stop them in their tracks. I know you can do this! Love and hugs.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Wow! Look at you! Your doing it! This is the first step! It’s OK to be insecure. Your in charge of your little ones future. You are being careful. Of course your going to over analyze things. Some days you will think this is easy.. Why did I stress? Other days your gonna be saying wth was I thinking?! I have a kid and a job! But you will make it! ONE DAY AT A TIME. sometimes one hour at a time. I’m proud of you! And I don’t know you.. And I don’t know your Clayton.. But if you listen.. You can hear him… I’m sure he’s whispering.. I always knew you would do something great!

    Liked by 1 person

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