I had orientation for school today. I had been so anxious and excited for this day. I was eagerly looking forward to it. And then it came, and with it, a bunch of doubt and questions.
Am I doing the right thing?
Can I actually do this- be a mom, have a job, and go to school?
Of course you can! Other single moms do it all the time!
Am I making a mistake choosing a career school vs a community college?
Is this a mistake?
What if I hate being a dental assistant and this is pointless?
I really couldn’t shut it off.
I kept thinking how much I miss Clayton, and I wish he were here for me right now. I want someone I can be insecure to, without judgment and have them tell me I can do this, that it will be okay.
And I’m not saying my friends/family won’t tell me that. I’m sure they will. But coming from him, it just meant something different than from them. I won’t say everyone, but a lot of us have that one (or two) person(s) that we just need to hear things from to make us feel okay. And for me, he was it. I didn’t even realize it until he was gone.
But he’s not here. And I’m suppose to be strong. That’s what everyone sees. So, I will do this with a brave face, and keep my insecurities and doubts to myself (and whoever is reading this).
Tomorrow is my first day of class. On a Friday, weird, I know. But I’m okay with that. I’m ready to start.