5 Year Journal| Day 58

What would have made today perfect?

I would say Clayton being here while I took our daughter to Chuck E Cheese for the first time (my first time, too). We went to see his cousins with their kids. My baby girl loved it!

But I know that if were here, I wouldn’t have considered it perfect. I would have found something to be annoyed at him for.

Today has been pretty good overall. I still miss him a great deal, and I always will. But I am learning how to move forward. I feel guilty for that, moving forward, that it hasn’t been long enough to do so. But moving forward doesn’t mean I don’t miss him. It means I’ve accepted he’s gone and nothing I do will change that.

So maybe the perfect thing about today, and not to sound cold or anything bad, is that I let myself have fun with his family for the first time since he died instead of guilty. Which now, makes me nearly cry.


My daughter loved the rides, it was the cutest thing ever. Her cousin is almost fifteen months old and he was so scared of the rides, but not her. I took too many pictures, if there’s such a thing as that. (They’re for me, I’m not sharing a dozen images of her on one ride to Instagram.)



  1. Good for you! Your building s solid foundation for your baby girl. Letting her know that your only a kid once and things should be fun. Life will come at her full force soon enough! I’m proud of you! Your loving her enough for the two of you! Keep calm and carry on!

    Liked by 1 person

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