Complications

I met another guy- we’ll call him Lee. It started out nice enough; he sent me a message about living in the same town. I joked about loving it, but actually everyone who lives here, hates it.

He asked if it I went to the high school. I replied I was homeschooled. And suddenly he knew who I was. His older brother had screwed my older sister way back when- and my younger sister a few years ago.

Lee thought I was the other sister. I quickly set him straight. I am good on not having sexual relations with someone my sister had been with. He said well since I haven’t been with his brother, we should hang out. I agreed.

Mind you, I had met him at the time my younger sister slept with his older brother. We had gone to a pool party, and Lee was there. He had his daughter with him, and I remember thinking he was sexy AF, but he didn’t mind me any. So the fact he even mentioned meeting me at the pool party blew my mind. He even said he was disappointed I didn’t remember him. I remembered his sexy self alright- and the fact he didn’t seem to notice me!

I hung out with him the following day after he messaged me. I went on over to his house, and we watched a movie. After it ended, he tried to kiss me. I turned my head and said no. He jokingly said “No?” and bit my shoulder.

Omg. That was hot. I nearly turned into him, but I resisted.

Honestly, I have no desire to date someone in the same circle as the people my older sister ran with years ago. But what really is drawing me to him is the fact he’s into BDSM. He makes his “own shit” (his words) and has a dungeon in his basement, which I personally cannot wait to see.

He thought I’d find it creepy. I told him no, it doesn’t creep me out, and that I’ve always had an interest in that stuff. I have. I know next to nothing about it, but I know being tied down to a bed is part of it, and I found that hot as hell. It only ever happened once, but the idea turns me on.

We were texting earlier and he said something about me not being able to call him something yet, and I said good thing I haven’t then. He said but if I had, he’d hafta take me to the basement.

Shiiit. Yesss.

Okay actually, the idea is thrilling and scary. Sober sex? Sober first time sex? No thanks. I want a buzz at least. Like four beers and I’ll be good. Not even joking. I’m a light weight.

I’m suppose to see Rich early next week. I will reluctantly admit I am excited. I don’t know when I’ll see Lee again, but I’m excited to see him again, too.

Oh, he actually took me to dinner and a movie Friday. I felt awkward as all get out…A real date? Yikes. I tried to pay for the movie since he got dinner. He wouldn’t let me, and I felt guilty. And as the night came to a close, I was slightly worried he’d try to kiss me. I was relieved when he didn’t.

I don’t know what to do about these two. I’m drawn and attracted to both. As long as I’m careful, is it so wrong to screw them both? Ugh I feel like such a slut even thinking it…But damn it, I want to.

My best friend said “yolo” when I said it to her. But she also said that by screwing them both, it might help me not become super attached to one…which is what I don’t want. And even without sex, if I see just one guy, I will get attached. My sister said go for it, although it isn’t something she’d recommend.

But seriously, I just want to have sex.

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