There was no buzz

I wanted to get buzzed this past weekend because I was off work, and had been majorly depressed. Needless to say my coworker bailed (she got sick) and while I was fine with going out alone, Lee invited me over.

But let’s do Friday first.

I was staying in and just relaxing. Lee asked if I wanted company, and I said sure. We watched an episode of Dexter, and then had sex. I’m still not big into kissing him…

It was getting hot, and I asked if he wanted the fan on. He said he’d get hot either way. I’m like uh okay. I mean, I was on bottom. But then, it just got soo hot! And at that point, I was riding him, so I climbed off, turned the fan on, got a drink of water, and resumed.

He said I’m so sexy on top- which, I think, is the first compliment he’s given me.

He took the condom off towards the end. And his reasoning is he hates getting off with one on. Excuse me? That pissed me off. He knows I’m not on birth control, so why take it off to cum? Sure, he pulled out but still.

After, he laid down next to me and talked for about 30 minutes. He said he had to go like three different times, and that he didn’t want to go. I said nothing. I didn’t want him staying. Nor did I figure he would, anyway. I knew he had to work in the morning, and I doubted he had his work clothes.

But his whole talking for 30 minutes after sex just made me feel like it he was doing it because he assumes that is what girls want after sex- a conversation. And I have since been left with a very strong nagging feeling he’s a player.

Well, come Saturday evening, he texts and asks if I still have a babysitter. I said yeah, but not til 9. He said he’s dog sitting for his mom, and she has a pool if I’d wanna come over. A part of me wanted to say no and just go to the bar alone. But I said yes because I was hoping for the opportunity to ask something like “so we hooking up or is this actually going somewhere?” but it didn’t.

I had sex on his parent’s couch. I haven’t met them. And if I do? I feel awkward just thinking about it. Which is probably dumb, but still.

My baby’s sitter told me she’d keep her all night. So, after Lee and I had sex, he passed out, and I decided I’d fall asleep next to him. And that’s what I did. And felt extremely weird and awkward all night.

In the morning, I took 20 minutes trying to decide if I should wake him up and tell him I was leaving or not. I finally nudged him and when his eyes opened briefly I said I had to go. He just kinda looked at me, and I awkwardly patted his arm and left. I don’t even know if he was awake.

I texted him yesterday, just a copy of a text I sent to my sister and a couple friends about what a resident said. He texted back, and we joked about it for a few minutes, and that was that.

I don’t know if he doesn’t ask to hang out because he knows my free time is limited, and he just waits for me to mention it. Or if he’s really not that into me. And I’m just someone to screw while he looks for something better.

I am starting to like him. And I don’t want to be played and left hurting. So, I think it may be time to try and see where he stands. Is he still dating others? Yes, okay, then maybe I should cease contact. Does he want something more than sex with me? No, then let’s end this.

I bought two tickets to see Gary Allan because they were ten bucks a piece. I am going to invite him. And kind of go from there.

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