It hit me

So I had texted Lee on Tuesday after staying the night Saturday. He had responded. But come Saturday, still nothing! I chalked it up to he really isn’t interested in me, and I will simply delete our texts, and be done.

Well, I was pretty resolved on that. Until that evening. I texted him, and we texted back and forth for awhile. About nothing really. Because we never really talk about anything.

He then texted me yesterday evening. Nice, he texted first!

But…I really do doubt he has that much interest in me. I think I’m more just some girl he’s getting sex from while he looks for someone else. Which, I’m okay with not being his “one”. That doesn’t bother me, because he’s not mine either. But to use me? I don’t like that. At least tell me what it is.

Tonight I decided to Facebook stalk (yes, I have gotten back on Facebook…unfortunately) this girl I know he hangs out with, and I assume fucking. They spent the day together. At his mom’s. He had his daughter, she had hers.

Why does this bother me? Because he isn’t opposed to other women’s kids. Apparently just mine. He also took this same girl out on a boat ride, with her daughter- and his- on father’s day. But offered to take me, if I found a babysitter.

Okay, okay. Maybe they’re just friends.

But I have never been sold on him.

The point of this post was really me coming here to say it hit me that the only reason I texted him Saturday was because I’m trying to keep his attention. I don’t need him, hell, I don’t really even want him. I just want him to want me.

I want to be wanted. And because I feel like his interest is dying down, I texted him hoping to get him back.

If my lack of free time is why he’s uninterested, I can’t change that. Although he is welcome to hang out with the baby and I. But if he’s uninterested due to me, well I can’t help that. Not everyone will love me, and I’m okay with that.

I really am okay, knowing that not everyone will love me. But it doesn’t mean it feels good when they start seeming uninterested!

Now that I realized what I’m doing (although thank goodness I’m not as bad as I use to be and text the guy every day), I’m going to work on fixing it.

Although honestly, I still have this desire to ask him to his face what we are doing, where we stand. Just because. I like forcing people to talk that awkward stuff, once I get past the awkwardness of bringing it up.

Have I said dating sucks?

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