So this happened

The same summer I met Clayton, I met this other hot guy. I always referred to him as Motorcycle guy. But I met Clayton first, and at that time, if I had sex with someone, I pretty much became closed off to other guys.

Had Motorcycle guy pursued me, I think I would have ended up with him. But he didn’t, and I stayed with, and came to love, Clayton.

Very randomly, we’d chat. And every time, he would surprise me at the stuff he remembered I had said. Like, seriously? Sweet!

Well, on the 4th I messaged him on Facebook. Because I always wish him a happy 4th- not sure why. He responded, and asked for my number. I gave it. And we started texting, and he said we should hangout. I was excited, not gonna lie.

Being excited to see him? That sort of bothered me…. I haven’t been excited to see anyone since Clayton died. I looked forward to hanging out with Lee, but I wasn’t excited to see him.

Motorcycle guy came over to my place and we went swimming. My baby went to bed after, and we watched Netflix. I had work in the morning, and it just kept getting later and later. And he wasn’t leaving. I finally said I am so tired, and he just gets comfy on my pull out couch bed.

He had been drinking a lot, but we didn’t talk about him staying. I let him, though. By that point it was nearly midnight and I had to be up at 6.

Well he starts lightly touching my abdomen, my side, up to my boobs. I love the gentle touches on my body, and in the past, those touches would turn me on. Since Clayton died, they don’t effect me. I feel like if I was a guy, I wouldn’t even be able to get hard and even have sex. But I’m not a guy and can have sex even without being aroused.

His touch did something to me. The most anything has. Then we started kissing, and he went to touch me under my shorts. I said no, that I need sleep. He immediately stopped, and I went to sleep.

Well, that time I kissed Lee and he stroked my face/hair- that was pretty hot. Did a little something to me, but I felt really weird about kissing and couldn’t stop thinking about Clayton.

Motorcycle guy texted me later that day, and today, too. Lee texted me today, too. I was surprised to see him pop up on my screen. I responded. We went back and forth for a little bit.

I don’t know how interested Motorcycle guy is. But I have always liked him. And I think he must like me too. Especially since he still remembers so much of the shit I’ve told him.

Only took three years, but I’ve finally kissed him! Too bad I don’t really feel anything anymore.

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