Confused Minds

Leads to jumbled thoughts.

I hear so much of “it’s my body, my choice”, “you’re not a woman, you have no right”, “unless you experience it, you can’t talk”, “it doesn’t involve you, so keep your mouth shut”, “the woman didn’t want to be a mother after all, and nobody can make her. It’s her decision.”, etc.

And I just sit here, thinking, to what extent does this go??

My body, my choice. Got’cha. But, how far does your choice triumph? Where does this mantra end? I’m not sitting behind my laptop screen being sarcastic, I am actually wondering.

There are restrictions. Sure, it’s my body, my choice, but there are still restrictions. Drugs (the illegal ones, even then you need a prescription for others). Drinking and driving. Your choice to drink, but there are/can be consequences to driving.

You have sex, pregnancy can happen. Maybe it wasn’t your choice to get pregnant, but your choice to participate in sex led to now pregnancy. So then it becomes “my body, my choice” and it’s perfectly A-OK to have an abortion. But what about the new life now rapidly growing in your womb?

“If I’m forced to stay pregnant, I’m just an incubator.” No, not at all. You are still a wonderfully unique woman who created life. But in the name of “empowerment” you want an abortion. How does killing the fetus empower women?

You’re not a woman, you have no right. I’m calling bullshit on this one. First all, women of the pro-choice stance are gung-ho with pro-choice men joining in on their right to abortion on demand cause. That’s why women are okay with the fact it was men who legalized abortion.

But abortion doesn’t affect just women. It affects men. And you can’t admonish pro-life men, without being highly hypocritical for letting, encouraging even, pro-choice men to take a stand.

Think about slavery. It didn’t affect whites, but whites took a stand opposing it. Were they in the wrong since, ya know, they weren’t slaves, and they had no right?

“The woman didn’t want to be a mother after all, and nobody can make her. It’s her decision.”

What about the couple who decided on creating a family? Why doesn’t the father get a say? Because it forces her to become an “incubator”? They decided together on the family, yet she alone gets to decide to end it? But that’s perfectly okay, isn’t it? Her body, her choice. Who cares how he feels.

But turn the table, and he no longer wants to be a father after all. Except he can’t get the abortion. He’s either stuck with a child and the responsibility he doesn’t want, or he can sneak her the abortion pill- and then face criminal charges.

Which brings me to this: how can it be criminal charges if it was just a “blob of tissue” and “not alive” anyway? How can it be double homicide if someone kills a woman and her unborn child? How can this be? Why the huge double standard?

If a woman decides to have an abortion for whatever reason, she gets away with it, and it’s perfectly okay, because she did the right thing for herself.

If a father decides he wants her to have an abortion, he’s suddenly a deadbeat dad, a horrible person, etc.

A woman gets an abortion, and is done. A man wants the abortion, but can’t have it. But is stuck paying for the child. It amazes me how it’s so okay for it be so messed up.

Unless you experience it, you can’t talk. Again, whites spoke against slavery, yet weren’t slaves. I never experienced child abuse, but I can for sure speak out against it. Nobody who says abortion is wrong is saying your situation is easy. (At least I hope as pro-lifers we can acknowledge that.)

Can we say for sure what we would do if in a horrible situation and ended up pregnant? No, I guess not. But some people truly do know themselves, and I personally know that no matter my situation, I would not abort my child. I just wouldn’t. Yell at me, tell me whatever it is you need to, but it won’t change my stance. Because I know myself.

It doesn’t involve you, so keep your mouth shut. A lot of things do not personally involve your neighbor, the community, the state, or whatever. Take for instance, that meth head next door. But he can be dangerous, so it kinda might involve you. You might want to look out for the people around you, and get the police involved.

That man beating his dog? Nah, it doesn’t involve you. But you care, don’t you? So you step in.

You find out your daughter’s classmate is being physically beaten, raped. It doesn’t concern you. But you step in.

No, your neighbor seeking an abortion doesn’t involve you, but again, it concerns you. You step in.

Just because it isn’t you personally, doesn’t mean you don’t care. Doesn’t mean you’re not affected.

So yeah, pro-lifers step in. Yeah, we want to change this abortion on demand. It isn’t about forcing our view on you, it isn’t about hating women. It’s because we care. And I know some random stranger’s abortion doesn’t involve me, but neither does the random stranger beating his dog involve me either.

I thought I understood the pro-choice side pretty well, but I read blogs, articles- and I’m just left with this. (All of the above.) I’m not close-minded, quite open-minded actually, but I just cannot grasp some of these quotes.

I’m going to close here in a minute, but I would also like to add that changing the abortion laws won’t change hearts. It won’t suddenly make unwanted pregnancies cease. It won’t make bad situations better. But rather than offering abortion to get rid of unwanted pregnancies, we step up and pitch in to help.

Instead of offering abortion to a woman being abused, we get her away from her abuser.

Instead of offering abortion to a teenaged girl whose parents gave her an ultimatum, we take her in.

Abortion truly has become an “easy” fix. It didn’t take away the problems. It didn’t empower women.


*This is a long post for me, and I thank you to those who actually read it to the end. I can’t promise I won’t ever post another entry about abortion again, so bear with me. Or don’t. But it is my blog, and I tend to share what’s on my mind, soo. Yeah, this topic may come up again. But for now, I think I got the majority of it out of my brain. These five quotes are the five I just can’t seem to wrap my head around. So this is me, thinking…And I know my above arguments can be counter-argued, but I seriously haven’t heard one that made enough sense for me to reconsider my stance on this.


To be Young

And to have such dreams.

Now we’re old and just getting by. Our dreams are still dreams; our lives nowhere we thought. We bitch and complain; we moan and talk of dreams. But we do nothing.

My friend and I were texting the other night, and she said it’s funny albeit sad how she remembers how she and her group of friends (me included) talked of our hopes and dreams for the futures; what we wanted to do and be when we were adults.

Some 10 years later, here we all are. Young adults.

It’s taken me a long time to even step out and reach for my dream. I was 21 when I finally took my CNA class- I put it off for two years! Then I told myself I don’t want to be in my 40’s and think back on life and regret waiting so long to do what I want to do.  Because I won’t be young forever, and time will not wait for me.

It’s so easy to be 12 and dream. It’s so hard to be 22 and actually make dreams reality. But stop dreaming, wake up, and reach for it! Stop dreaming, and start living!

Drunken Letter

“Dear John Doe,

I still miss you. I know it sounds silly, but I do. Two years ago I gave you my virginity, and my heart.”

Ok, I’m kidding. Sort of. That line is true, but it’s not really what I’d write to him. Unless I was drunk. Which I am right now. Not shit faced, just drunk enough to be in my feelings.

But if I did write him…I don’t know what I’d say. Would my letter be telling him how he made me a stronger, albeit jaded woman? Would it tell him how he broke me until I thought life was meaningless and empty? Would my letter tell him that I’m not sure I’ll ever love again?

I don’t even know if I’d write him to try and “win him back” or to just say “goodbye.” I don’t know.

Have you stared into someone’s eyes and literally imaged life without them? What did you see? What happened? Where are you now?

I would lock gazes with him. I would tell myself one day this summer fling would end, and that I’d be okay. Oh, the lies I told myself the summer of 2012.

Then summer ended, and so did we. So did I.

Have you ever been this person, and then…it seems overnight you were totally different? You were suddenly a person you didn’t know or understand because the former you just didn’t know this side of you existed?

My brother would have been 7 years old May 16th, 2014. I worked all day. That was nice. Then I got off at 11, and decided to go out drinking. The guy I was dating but then never really broke up with came out with me. He didn’t remember my brother would be 7. Which just depressed me more.

Which got me thinking about John Doe. I don’t know why.

This isn’t even a letter.

I need to go to bed.

Strange Dreams

Haunt me.

Do you ever have dreams that just live on? Or maybe it’s a nightmare. I rarely have nightmares. But dreams, I have them. Oh boy, do I have them.

Between the ages of 5-12 I’d have the same nightmare night after night. It literally got so bad, I hated sleeping. I hated bedtime, and I’d lie in bed for hours before finally drifting off to sleep. I could go to bed at nine, and at 3am still be awake. I was that scared of sleeping.

The nightmare is silly now, but to my young self, it was terrifying. I was this itty-bitty person, and the whole world was this ginormous fat woman who wanted to squish me. Her body was a maze, and I had to find the end, and I had to make it through the maze to survive. The world- or rather huge woman- wanted to squish me. Kill me.

Why? Why?? What did I do?

I hated that dream. It scared me. I’d awake, heart pounding, and I could not close my eyes because when I did I disappeared in a void of a black maze. I could see nothing. I was this speck, fighting to live, terrified.

Come to think of it- that’s like life. Life is a huge “maze”, and we can’t see what’s ahead of us. Life is throwing us curveballs, and people are stepping on us. We’re skirting to avoid being killed- and not just physically dead.


I had a dream the other night that I was 14 weeks pregnant, and I was so damn excited. Until I go in for a doctor appointment, and they can’t find a heartbeat. And all I did was cry.

Last night, I had another dream where I just knew I was pregnant. I took a test, and it said negative. Again, I cried. It couldn’t be possible.

I’m sick of these baby dreams. I’m tired of wanting a baby so badly right now. I’m tired of running into all these pregnant girls my age. All these girls who have what I want. I’m tired of being the girl who’s jealous.

I am tired of every month being depressed when my period starts. Why can’t I convince my heart along with my mind that NOW is not a time to get pregnant, and that I should be thankful I haven’t fallen pregnant?

I hate dreams. They sometimes make reality harder.

Like, the dream I had where my baby brother didn’t die, and he was alive and growing, and happy, and not dead. I’ve had so many dreams where he was alive- but in almost all but one, he dies. I either can’t save him in time, or something. And I wake up crying. Crying because he’s dead. Crying because I saw him, held him in my dream, and because that’s what it was, a dream.

Dreams can be amazing things to experience. But other times, they just kill me.

And my baby brother would be seven in a week and a half. In two weeks it’ll be seven years since he died. Where has time gone? And why is my throat closing in on me right now?

I’ve had good dreams, though. Dreams that inspire the writer in me. I like those dreams.

The Big Abortion

Arguments Against Abortion

I’ve been searching blogs about abortion. I’ve been reading, even commented on a few. But none stirred this post more than this one. She gives a good argument, she’s thought over her opinions. Yet, I feel that there’s a perfectly good response to of her reasons for being “pro-choice.”

Which let me touch on that real quick. Pro-choice and pro-abortion are, indeed, the same. Pro-lifers get called anti-abortion all the time, so how does pro-choice and pro-abortion not connect? Further on this though, not everyone who is anti-abortion is pro-life. All pro-lifers are anti-abortion, but anti-abortion is just that: against abortion. Pro-lifers go beyond just being against abortion. They care about the mom, the baby past birth. They’re for life in general.

Pro-choice is for abortion being legalized. It is for abortion. Are all pro-choicers abortion crazy? No, of course not. But pro-choice is pro-abortion. You are for the choice of choosing abortion.

Now, I’m going to address her arguments for abortion by arguments against abortion.

“Abortion is not murder until the third trimester.” The reason? Life doesn’t begin until the third trimester. Which is a lie. Science clearly states life begins at conception.

“The Official Senate report on Senate Bill 158, the “Human Life Bill,” summarized the issue this way:

Physicians, biologists, and other scientists agree that conception marks the beginning of the life of a human being—a being that is alive and is a member of the human species. There is overwhelming agreement on this point in countless medical, biological, and scientific writings.”

If that quote isn’t enough for you, Google it.

Read stories about women who go into early labor, say 19 weeks, and her baby is born alive. Its lungs are too underdeveloped, and  we can’t save one so young, but watch the baby struggle to breathe before, finally, death takes over. That baby was alive. You cannot tell anyone any differently. You can’t say it wasn’t alive, that it wasn’t human. Well, you can. But that’d be a lie.

And no, it’s not “murder” by legal definition. But abortion is most definitely killing a baby. Fetus. Whatever fits your fancy. Abortion does kill.

“Roe v Wade.” First off, slavery was once legal. Shall we then just accept slavery? No, we ended it. (Sort of. Slavery still exists today. But should it be legal? Fuck no.)

Let me also inform you that abortion is legal up to all nine months of pregnancy. And not just for “emergency situations.” Unless you call deciding you no longer want you baby an emergency. Or that having Down’s Syndrome is an emergency.

“It’s not my body, and it’s not my mind.” No, it’s not your mind. But that baby- fetus- she’s aborting is not her “body” either. A baby is not a tumor, it’s not tonsils, or wisdom teeth you’re having extracted. A baby is a new little human, growing in your womb because that’s where human life starts. Sex=reproduction. Obviously I understand sex isn’t always engaged in for reproduction reasons, but anyone with an ounce of knowledge of such things, knows sex is what causes pregnancy, a new life to begin.

Women can’t even choose to sell sex, without getting in trouble for it. Because it’s illegal. It’s her body, and hey, she just wants some cash. But using her body to earn cash is illegal. A woman cannot inject heroin into her body without facing prison time if caught.

Omg! Women can’t choose what to do with their body, there’s fucking limitations on it!!

“Making abortions illegal will not stop abortion.” Um no. But even legal abortion is not safe. Legal abortion stills harms women. It still kills women. Again, heroin is illegal. But people still use it. Let’s just make it legal, okay? Sounds good right.

People still kill their neighbor, let’s just make murder legal, okay?

Adults still molest children, but hey it’s illegal and still happens, so let’s legalize that.

People abuse their animals and kids, despite facing time for it if caught. But hey, let’s just make it entirely legal so our legal system gets to take a nap from all this crime.

Legal does not make it safe. Legal does not make it right. The law does not dictate what is right and wrong. I mean, if it does it means abortion was once wrong. Omg, y’all changed the law! Y’all changed wrong and right! That’s incredible.

Abortion is already dangerous to women. Except nobody hears about the damaged uterus, and the woman who can never have children after her abortion.

Nobody hears about the 15 year old girl who is repeatedly raped by her uncle, and Planned Parenthood covers up the rape by performing abortion after abortion and never alerting the authorities.

Nobody hears about the woman who desperately wants her baby but her husband forces her to have the abortion, and every day it haunts her.

Abortion is harmful. It is dangerous.

“Adoption isn’t the best option in all cases.” Our foster care system is so fucked up. But how dare it be said MOST kids adopted end up abused. That is so beyond true, it’s sickening. Children born into families end up abused, too. Just because someone is adopted does not mean they’re abused.

Secondly, should we kill these children in the system because they’re going to abused, and they shouldn’t have been born anyway? No, just fuck no. Parents are the ones who should be accountable, not these children. “Oh, mommy doesn’t want you, so let’s just kill you.” That doesn’t work when her baby is 2 years old, so why should it work when she’s pregnant?

Don’t want a baby but found yourself pregnant? Take the 9 months to search for an adoptive family. Make it an open adoption so you can check in on your baby.

So many of the kids in the system are there because parents are fucked up, and won’t fix up their life to actually be parents.

I don’t “respect” the choice to abort. I respect women. But abortion is killing, and I don’t respect killing. Do I hate or judge the woman who had an abortion? No, I don’t. Actually, my heart breaks for her, and the little life now gone.

Roe v Wade legalized abortion on demand. Abortion for any and whatever reason. Before Roe v Wade, abortions were still available in “emergency situations” (to save the life of the mom).

Abortion is not safe, for mom or baby. Abortion covers up abuse. Abortion scars, physically and emotionally.

Loud Music and Tuesday Nights

Equals a pissed off me.

Look, I really don’t give two shits if you wanna play your music loud on Friday or Saturday nights. I get it. It’s the weekend, and you’re having fun.

But Tuesday night? Are you fucking kidding me?? No. Just no. I have to be up no later than 6:40am to get to work on time (thank God for living so close to work), and when people wanna play their stereo loudly at 11:30pm, and on pass midnight- you bet I have a problem. My friend was over that night, and he knocked on the door, and asked the girl- who answered the door in her bra- to turn it down. She did. Not a lot, but just enough it wasn’t keeping me awake.

A few hours later, I wake up because my friend had turned on the light, and I’m just like nooo. He proceeds to tell me that someone had called the cops on my neighbor girl, and that she’s probably going to assume it was us, so don’t be surprised if she’s a bitch next time she sees me.

Ha. Like I care? Not really. I wasn’t the one doing anything wrong, or rude and inconsiderate.

I get it. I used to have Monday and Tuesday nights off when I worked overnights. So I get it if that’s her weekend. But I never had my music up so loud it kept others up. Why? Because I assumed they had jobs they had to get some sleep for. I’m not saying you can’t blast your music, but when you live in an apartment, you have to be considerate of others. Or deal with bitches calling cops on you. (Because if this continues, it will be me calling the police.)

Liebster Award?

I had no idea.

I was quite shocked, and pleasantly surprised when this blog, Precious Awakening!, nominated me. So, thank you! Vey much!

Honestly though, this blog post might take me a day or two as I read many blogs and find ones with less than 200 hundred followers.

If you follow the link to the blog above, you’ll get the details of this, like what it means. And while you’re at it, check out the rest of their blog, too. It has a positive ring to it, which is delightful considering how often people can be negative (and if you’ve read my last couple…not upbeat).

So, there’s official rules that follow this Award:

1. Thank the person who nominated you and link to their blog.

2. You must answer the 10 questions given to you by the blogger who nominated you.

3. Nominate 10 of your favorite blogs with fewer than 200 followers and notify them of their nomination.

4. Come up with 10 questions for your nominees to answer.

Which now means I have ten questions to answer- whoo!

1. List three favorite items you would carry on your journey to Mars.

Um. Would I get internet access up there? ’cause I’d bring my laptop, a book or two, and I’d bring my Superman pants.

2. Name a favorite blog post you have written. Please share the link.

Let’s see, I’d say this one, about cutting.

3. How would you greet St. Peter at the gates of heaven? Only three words please.

May I enter? Haha, I don’t know.

4. Name your favorite post you have read on someone else’s blog. Please share the link.

Now see, this is where I gotta go search! Okay, this poem right here. It is realllly good.

5. Name one scientist hero stating why in 1-2 lines.

Uhhh…let’s do Albert Einstein. Why? Because “The world is a dangerous place to live; not because of the people who are evil, but because of the people who don’t do anything about it.”

6. If you had to vote for atleast one blog post from Precious Awakening, then which one would it be? Please share the link. Please use three words to explain why you like that post.

I love this one. Because it’s true.

7. Which is the best way to convey your blog message: Text or Image? Why?

For me, text but some people do good with image. But my blog doesn’t have just one message either, sooo….

8. Use five adjectives to describe your experience with Precious Awakening.

Ok, my brain is on overload right now due to stress, and I am blank. Or maybe I’m just stupid. Regardless. Skipping. But I did enjoy reading through the blog, it was enjoyable.

9. What kind of blog posts interest you? Comical, health, facts, fiction, short stories? Please share links if possible.

I like funny, and true story blogs. With honesty, and opinions. And poems. I love reading poems. And I won’t be linking because this blog is already full of links…

10. State three key feedback/comments for Precious Awakening.

Honestly, I liked your blog. Sometimes the paragraphs are a little long, but that really isn’t a problem, unless you’re looking for a quick read. But I liked it, and it was easy to navigate.

Blogs I am nominating, in no particular order:

Now, 10 questions. Let’s see…

  1. Why did you begin blogging?
  2. Have you ever taken a break (whether it be a set five hours, a day, a week, whatev) from your cell phone or Facebook or something else addicting?
  3. Something you never leave the house without?
  4. A blog post you want everyone to read (insert link)? (Whether it be yours or someone’s you read.)
  5. Camera or camera phone, which do you take more pictures with?
  6. Link to your favorite blog?
  7. Favorite place to update your blog?
  8. Something you buy that makes you happy, always? Like, buying books, notebooks, or ink pens always makes me feel better.
  9. A post (with link) of my mine that you like?
  10. Had you heard of Liebster Award before?

Ok, so there ya go. My official post for the Liebster Award. I have no idea if this right or not, but I listed the rules, answered the questions, nominated blogs, and asked ten questions- so I guess it’s good enough! Hope y’all take part in this.