A run in with a lover

I went out with some of my daughter’s dad’s family for dinner at a bar and pool hall place, and on my way out, ran into Lee. Quick update: He had ended up texting me, and then a few nights later I found a sexy outfit and sent him a photo. After about three weeks of no contact, I’d done a lot of thinking. I came to the conclusion, I am not ready for a relationship. I want sex. I let my friends opinions get to me and make me unhappy.

Anyway. After we left, her aunt offered to keep my baby so I could go back out and I accepted. I didn’t say hi when I went back though, I walked right past him. He came up to me, and invited me to play pool with him and his friends. I didn’t say no, but I didn’t ever go over either. I went out to hang out my daughter’s dad’s family, and I wasn’t going to just ditch them the second I got there.

As the night got later, he disappeared, and I thought he left. I waited about 10 minutes before shooting a text and asking if he left. He said no, and he’s not leaving without me. That was hot. Except then he came over a little later, and goes “you ready?” when I was talking to someone. He wasn’t rude to him, but he definitely wasn’t very friendly. I thought maybe he was jealous…Who knows.

We go to his house, and he jumps in the shower. I climb in bed, and throw my clothes on the floor. He gets in bed, plays a movie. I get up to get a drink, and he sees then I’m naked. He approved. And then the fun happened. He didn’t tie me up, unfortunately, but I did carry bruises on my ass the next day.

And that’s that. I didn’t regret it. Until the other day. I texted maybe three times since (once because it was his birthday), and he responds but he hasn’t texted first. I’m back to no texting him. I am okay with sex. But I’m not okay with being ignored. Like…use me if you will, because I was using you too, but at least send me a damn text so I don’t feel so low.

Ugh. Games. I hate them. I also don’t know how to play them very well.

Needless to say, I got on Fetlife. I am not done exploring, and while I trust him, and wish I could explore with him, I’m not sitting on the sidelines. I went to a social gathering at a bar of other fetlife members. And goodness, it was great. I’ve never been so readily welcomed into a group before. I had been talking to someone from fetlife who walked in with me, but after I got vetted for the play space in my area, I couldn’t find him right away so I went in and a group welcomed me over to join them. It was fun. I hope to go again.

And I definitely want to go to the dungeon.


Hot Boss and Alcohol

Well, former boss.

When I was nineteen, I worked for a janitorial company. I actually hate cleaning, but had this random desire to clean and instead of just cleaning the house or something, I decided to get a job cleaning. It wasn’t all miserable, there was an entire month that I enjoyed my job.

My supervisor was tall, dark, and handsome. And sexy. And his smile melted me. Of course, I was shy and innocent, and had no idea how to get his attention. Even in my virgin status, I sometimes thought about fucking him at work. Just because, you know, fucking your boss is hot.

Needless to say, I never did find any womanly charms inside me, and I never talked to him outside of work related, brief conversations. I was never even sure if he liked me. But I sure had a crush on him!

Fast forward a few years, and he messaged me on Facebook the other night. Mind you, I don’t check Facebook much anymore, but he had poked me a few days prior, and I always poke people back. And when I did, he immediately sent me a message. We started messaging back and forth, just joking and messing with each other.

Meanwhile, I’m like “eeee! omg!” which is stupid, but I couldn’t help it.

We made plans to hang out at the bar Wednesday night. He tried getting me out Tuesday night too, but I declined. A girl can’t be too available, right? At least that’s what my brother-in-law tells me. He tells me I’m always too available. Not sex-wise, just as in I can hang out anytime, and that makes me look “bad” or something.


He told me he wants to see me, and I’m like “aw”. Well, not to him, but inside. I mean, I do find it odd that after all this time, he just now decided he wants to fuck me. Which is fine by me- kind of. As long as the boyfriend, who isn’t really my boyfriend- it’s complicated- lives with me, I wouldn’t feel right fucking someone else. Even though we’re not together, and he knows it. Still.

I wouldn’t mind fucking him, but I’m over here asking why now? We haven’t seen each other in a good year. We bumped into each other one night at a bar, and I pretended I didn’t recognize him. I waited for him to go, “Oh hey, (name), how are you?” and I smiled and said, “I wondered if it was you.” To this day, I’m slightly unsure of my reasoning to pretend I didn’t recognize him.

Besides that, we never talked. At all. Friends on Facebook, sure, but I don’t keep up with him, and he never likes any of my stuff, back when I posted, so unless he’s a silent stalker…

I’m rambling.

Wednesday night my friend and I go meet up with him and his friend. It was fun, kind of awkward. He had mentioned in a message that he likes me, and I just didn’t care for that…he doesn’t know me.

I made my friend dance with him, because I refused, and she loves dancing.

But then…a bunch of guys I know from my regular bar were there. And they kept coming over and talking to me, and while we’re all just friends, I wished they’d go away. I was there to see my (ex) boss, and ugh. Guys!

He ended up leaving pretty early, while I was in the bathroom. I messaged him and basically said that was rude. He’s like you went over to a table with a bunch of guys. No, no I did not. I told him I wanted to sit a table, and he said ok and watched me walk away. I meant with him, but whatever. The other guys just crowded over.

I was pissed. They never, ever do that. They’ll say hi, but never keep bugging me, or sit at my table.

Now who knows if I’ll ever get another chance.

One awkward thing: one of the guys I know, we’ve always had a flirty relationship, but he’s good friends with the boyfriend, yet when he’s not around, he gets bad. Last night, I wore a V-neck (to show some boobs for my (ex) boss) and he just pressed up against me and stared down my shirt. Like, wtf.

Two questions bug me.

  1. Why the fuck wait all this time before trying to fuck me? What was the point??
  2. Why does this guy, who has a gf, keep being all sexual with me? (we have a history, maybe that’ll be my next post)

Mechanical Bulls

And alcohol, oh my!

Last night I went out with the guy I had been living with, his brother, and his brother’s boyfriend, and had a complete blast.

We started out with karaoke, and then drove to downtown, to finish the night off. Like, I love going down there, it’s so busy and exciting. I’m from the country, and grew up sheltered, so I just love going downtown, and soaking it all in. Unfortunately, nobody ever wants to go. It’s expensive, so I get it. But once in awhile I would like to go. Besides staying up north is always the same faces every weekend.

Anyway, we get downtown, and go to the country bar. They have a mechanical bull, and all these drunk girls be riding. And falling off. I think maybe one guy rode it…

Anyways, the boyfriend wanted to ride it. But the two guys said it’d be weird for them to ride together at a straight bar. Whatever, who cares right? So I agreed to ride it. We wait in line…and then we’re told guys and girls can’t ride together. Well poop! Because I’m so not riding alone, that’s for damn sure.

The guy says it’s almost the end of the night, so if we wanna wait a little longer, he can break the rule and let us be the last riders of the night. Oh hell yeah!

I think our ride last thirty seconds, but it was exhilarating! No joke, I had an incredible time riding, and I just really wanna ride again. But ya know, it’ll be like another six months before I get anyone to go again.