Day 3| Quote Challenge

The Challenge

  1. Post in three consecutive days.
  2. You can pick one or three quotes per day.
  3. Challenge three different bloggers per day

(I might actually do more than one today…)

Today’s quote I am choosing this one:

You know all those things you’ve always wanted to do? You should go do them.

I’m trying to do that this year- one of my 2016 goals. Live a little.

I want to go this bed and breakfast exotic animal farm inn. I tried to get Clayton to go, he always had some excuse not to go. I think if I had planned it anyway, and said I was going, he would have gone. I really don’t believe he said “no” because he truly didn’t want to go, I think it was more he tended to just relax at home with computer games on his days off. I should have done it, booked a room. He would have gone, and we would have had fun.

So, my plan is to go this summer. I actually want go in September. I went once with the family, back in 2004. It was a lot of fun, and I have been longing to go back. Well, I have a baby now, and in September she’ll be close to fourteen months (depending on when I go in that month) and my sister back in 2004 was only a month or two older than what my daughter will be, and she enjoyed herself.

Another thing I have been wanting to do is go to the St. Louis zoo, and to the arch. So, that’s another one of my end-of-summer plans.

My daughter is a little too young for a drive and an all-day trip to the Omaha zoo, so that’s hopefully happening in a year or two.

And I really want to go to Chicago. I’m figuring that one out… Not sure if I want to give my daughter to someone overnight, or go with her in a couple years. I obviously won’t let her stay the night with anyone yet, she is still nursing, and I wouldn’t want to yet anyway.

That’s just a few of the things I’ve wanted to do. I do regret not doing them sooner, but I am also excited to take my daughter.

Life is too short to not do what we want- we never know when death will come. Clayton had only just turned 32, and he’s gone. I thought we had so much more time, and I regret not doing more with him.

 

I have only just a minute, just sixty seconds in it; forced upon me- can’t refuse it. Didn’t seek it, didn’t choose it, I must suffer if I lose it. Give account if I abuse it; just a tiny little minute but eternity is in it!

That pretty much goes with the above.

Time is invaluable. Time is precious. Quit letting it go by without doing a thing. Make the most of it.

Sometimes I do like being lazy, and just kickin’ it around the house and doing nothing. But to live that way, just getting by, not really living… Don’t waste the gift you’re given.

I’m going to end with this one:

Every accomplishment starts with the decision to try.

Try, try, try- don’t give up. We got this.

 

Nominees are the following three:

  1. Fostering Hope
  2. Striked By Epicness
  3. Scarlett79

And I want to say thanks again to Jan for getting me to participate.

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Day 2| Quote Challenge

The Challenge

  1. Post in three consecutive days.
  2. You can pick one or three quotes per day.
  3. Challenge three different bloggers per day.

 

For today’s quote it comes from F. Scott Fitzgerald:

For what it’s worth, it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. I hope you live a life you’re proud of, and if you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start over.

That’s some motivation right there.

For a long time now, I’ve kept putting things off. I had wanted to get my CNA when I was 18. I didn’t get up until the summer I was 21. I put it off for years, using excuses.

Oh I’m young, I have time or I don’t have the money.

While they seemed valid at the time, they weren’t. You’re only young once, and let me tell you, times flies by. You are young, and then you’re not. Time doesn’t stand still so you can diddle daddle around.

Not having the money is the biggest barrier in a person’s life sometimes (when it comes to school). My CNA course only cost me $650. That’s really not all that much. I could have easily saved up that amount. Instead, I used it as an excuse not to go then.

I put off things in life. That’s a part of who I’ve been for years. I don’t like that about me, and I am honestly trying to make a change. I don’t want to be the person that makes an excuse not to do anything, being the person that never grows.

I’m not proud of my life at this point, but I am finding strength to change. And a big portion of that strength comes from having a daughter who depends on me. I don’t want to scrape by, where I can’t afford even new clothes for her. Not that I have anything against thrift stores, I personally love them. But I don’t want to be unable to buy new clothes.

I don’t want to pass on my procrastination. Her daddy was a procrastinator too, poor girl. But I hope I overcome my procrastination and set a good example.

It only becomes too late to change when you die. So find a way, be strong.

 

I nominate these three bloggers:

  1. More Than Surviving
  2. True Jazz
  3. Minh Minah’s Corner

Day 1| Quote Challenge

The Challenge:

  1. Post in three consecutive days.
  2. You can pick one or three quotes per day.
  3. Challenge three different bloggers per day.

 

When I saw that Jan over at The Life of Jan was doing this quote challenge, I planned on participating. So when she challenged me, I was pretty excited. I really love quotes, and I really challenges, so I felt this one was perfect.

So, a pen-pal of mine sent me this quote and I loved it, right away.

At any given moment you have the power to say this is not how the story is going to end.

The last three months have been hell for me, and I’ve been pretty depressed. I do not want this to be the way things end for me- to end up a bitter, depressed woman.

I am going to get through this, and I will be okay. If you’re one to compare life to a book, then we all know a book can bring a lot in its pages, and that chapters start and end. In this case, losing someone, an end of a chapter doesn’t really fix the loss. But healing does come. And by the end of the book, the character has found strength to go on and begin again.

Life after death of a loved one is never the same as before. You find a way to manage, you begin a new start.

Life after a baby is never the same as before either. And for me, I’m pretty much learning both at the same time.

But I’m not done, my story isn’t ending here.

I challenge these three bloggers (and I hope you participate, but don’t feel obligated!):

  1. Baby Just Say Yes
  2. I Put the Ass In Sassy
  3. Keeping Up With Kristy

Almost Finished

Remember when I started that writing challenge?

Yeah, me either. I’m near the end, and I decided since I want to write, but cannot think of anything, I’ll jump back in.

Write about an area in your life you’d like to improve.

I’d like to improve a lot of areas in my life.

Maybe I’m too hard on myself, too critical. Or maybe I know that I can be a better, more rounded person.

I’m not dissatisfied and full of hate for myself. I just know there are areas I could improve in. Like, math. And medical terminology. Healthy decisions.

But, I’d really like to improve on my general ungratefulness. Instead of grouching that something isn’t made the way I make it, I could just say thank you. After all, they took time out to make me something.

I just tend to take a lot of shit for granted, and it’s led to a rather ungrateful attitude. And out of all the areas in my life I could improve, I think that’s a pretty important one.

Please, Don’t Spank Me

Even if I deserve it.

Write about a lesson you’ve learned the hard way.

Okay, before I delve into my past of brattiness, let me just tell you, I have learned many lessons the hard way. And they’re no fun. That being said, I thought I’d share something different, than the typical “broken heart” story. Just because.

When I was real little, toddler age, I was a spoiled brat. No joke. My mom already had three older children, and a new baby. But I was the one she spoiled. I got to stay up super late with her, I got to eat whatever I wanted, I got my way. The older three hated me. Sure, they were jealous of me, but they also hated me.

If you’ve ever been around a brat, then you understand. I would throw fits, demand my way- all that fun stuff.

Then as I got a little older, and my new baby sister decided to copy me, my mom put an end to it. And began disciplining me. I had no part of that. I would throw myself on the floor, and scream, I can’t walk! over and over. They called me a “slug.” Looking back, I laugh at myself. Back then, it was horrible. My whole world had changed.

I learned the hard way, through many spankings (and I understand not everyone agrees with spanking, that’s fine, but my mom never abused me so please, do not place “child abuse” and the spankings I got in the same boat.) that I couldn’t get my way. I learned through many spankings that there is a bed time curfew and I had to abide by it. Even if I couldn’t sleep, I had to be in my room, and in my bed- and being quiet enough to let my sister(s) sleep.

Throughout my preteen years, I spent many weeks grounded, but I did learn to stop throwing myself on the floor. I did stop being a total brat. I did learn that I didn’t always get my way. I learned that life doesn’t stop just because there are rules to follow.

Dear Sister

Why was I never enough?

All my life, I looked up to you, I wanted to be like you. But at every turn, you dismissed me. My opinions, my feelings- me as a person. It was as though I literally did not matter to you in the least.

When I was little, I knew our younger sister was your favorite, she was everyone’s favorite, all sweet and quiet. I was always loud and bratty, and even though it hurt a lot back then, I understand now why you didn’t want me around.

But when I got older, and the bratty behavior was controlled, you still didn’t want me around. And you still didn’t like me. I just wanted my older sister’s approval.

As I got even older, I was still nothing to you. You held me and our younger sister to a different standard. She could make mistakes and you still loved her. I said “hell” and it was a huge deal, and you made me feel like a terrible person. I confided in you, and in anger, you threw what I said back in my face. I bite back my own hurtful words because I try to leave the past in the past.

You made me cry for throwing my own insecurities or confessions back in my face. You made me hate myself for feeling weak, for trusting you.

I don’t think I’ve ever gotten over it, because as I write this letter you’ll never see, it brings tears to my eyes. Because even now, you don’t talk to me. You don’t have time for me.

You introduced our younger sister to a bunch of fucked up people, and it was all a-ok, and you still loved her and spent time with her. But I met one guy, I spent my time with one guy, and you spoke badly of me. You gave our sister alcohol, and it was fine. I drank alcohol, and suddenly it was the end of the world.

You put our sister in the midst of older guys, and gave her the same reputation as yourself, and it was a-ok. I hung out with one guy and gave away my virginity, and suddenly, I was the slut.

You told me “you’ll get a bad reputation” and when I said “it won’t be true because I’ve only been with one guy, and I know that, and he knows that, I don’t care what rumors people spread” you got mad. You told me something so fucked up I still laugh at it today. I’d rather have a bad reputation and have earned it, then have it be a lie.

Maybe for you, but for me, no. People gossip, people make up stories. I would rather be true to myself, then become something I’m not because someone said I was something else.

And to this day, you don’t give a damn about me. Even less than ever. Because I had sex.

Oh the double standard you hold yourself, our sister, to verses what you hold me to. You would tell me it’s because I’ve always been so strong, that when I “screw up” it’s a big deal.

No, holding me an impossible standard of perfection was wrong. Telling me to be perfect and strong alone was wrong. I understand wanting better for someone than what you yourself have…I really do understand that. But I don’t understand it when you drag another sister down with you, but then judging another for the exact same thing.

I want better for my younger sisters than what I had. But the difference is, I won’t take them down the same road as me. I want better for them, and that means encouraging them, not ignoring them, and then yelling at them for fucking up. It means I start bettering myself and giving them a better role model.

I love you, and I always will. But I hope you know I won’t take your opinions on my life into account. Your opinions won’t sway any decisions I make.

Love, me

Write a letter to someone, anyone.